A Very Volturi
by H. K. Rissing
Summary: A story about the Volturi on different holidays. Drunken madness, trips, parties, chaos, shenanigans, freak-outs and general insanity follow shortly behind.
1. episode 1: thanksgiving

A Very Volturi………  Episode 1:Thanksgiving

Caius POV 

Ugh. This was one of the days I hated the most on the entire calendar, besides Easter, Christmas, Valentines day, and every day in between. With the exception of Halloween, of course. Halloween is okay because everything is all dark and creepy and you get to run around scaring people. Of course, I do that every day, but on Halloween, I have a legitimate excuse.

Ever since that disastrous thanksgiving three decades ago, Aro's kind of laid back about the whole thing. Sulpicia sobbed and Athenodora laughed for days at the memory of her turkey going up in flames, courtesy of Marcus and then seeing him scream and brandish a knife at us about how a day of thanks was so hypocritical, because he had nothing to be thankful for, and the rest kind of snowballed. It was so hilarious. All Aro's done in the past few years is make us all assemble and name five things we were thankful for, but when I started talking about instruments of torture two years ago (just to see Gianna's eyes get all big and poppy, I don't really have any…….. that I use….. much…) and Chelsea and Afton were thankful for things we didn't want to know about, Aro knocked it down to one meaningful thing.

So I was in my room on that dark (actually, it was rather sunny, but oh well) November 26th, listening to my ipod when Demitri came in. "uhhhhh, Master?" he guessed nervously. I cracked one eye open in annoyance. "Aro says he wants you to come to the throne room now" he continued. I grumbled as I turned off my black nano, stomped to the throne room, and flopped onto my respective chair with a huff. Athenodora sat on my lap as a bored-as-ever Marcus straggled in and eventually, the rest of the guard joined us, herded by none other than my goodly dearest brother Aro, who looked ridiculously excited. While wearing a hideous getup of a brown sweater with a very intriguing bird on it and orange pant. I winced at their "electrified carrot"y color.

"Okay, everybody, gather 'round!!!!!!" he called. His wife and Jane were the first there, of course. "Now get in a circle!!!!" he said. "Are we playing duck-duck-goose again?" asked Santiago warily questioned. Aro waved his hand dismissively "No, no, of course not, silly. No, we are going to go around the circle and everyone is going to name on VERY special, extremely and important and meaningful item or person or idea, and then say why it means so much to them." He turned to me (as I still hadn't budged from my chair) saying, "That includes you too, brother!!! Come on, join the circle! Don't be such a wet blanket!!! In that soft, feathery-sweet singsong voice that you'd use with a disobedient two-year-old that was Aro-speak for 'get your butt over here now or I will personally kick it sometime into next week.' He meant it, too, so Athena and I tromped over and joined the circle. Aro was all but jumping up and down with glee.

"Alright!!!!!" he said. "Now that we are all here, we'll start with me, and end with Sulpicia." Since she was standing next to him on his left side. "I am deeply thankful for my dear, loving brothers and my amazing wife Sulpicia and my wonderful sister-in-law Athenodora. Every day, I wonder what I would do without you. Jane?" Jane said "I am really thankful for my brother, who calms me down when I'm……………..upset. Alec?"

"I am thankful for Heidi, who gets us food. Demitri?"

"I am thankful for Renata, because……….. because………….. becausebecause, that's why!!!!" he said, getting flustered at the end. "Afton?"

He beamed, saying, "I am thankful for Chelsea", who responded with "And I am so thankful for Afton"

Corin said, "I am thankful for Gianna, who does all the paperwork so we can sit around and do nothing"

Felix said, "I am thankful for technology."

"Would you care to specify?" Aro prompted.

"No" "Alright then"

Marcus said "I am thankful for Alec, who has always been my devoted servant."

Renata said, "I am thankful for Aro, who let us put in a dance studio." Aro beamed.

Santiago said, "I am thankful for Athenodora, who gives us duct tape and tin foil. "

Heidi said, "I am thankful for Rosalie Cullen, because she makes me want to get out of bed and be prettier." (silence)

Athenodora said, "I am thankful for my sister, who puts up with me with unending patience whilst we are LOCKED UP IN A STUPID BORING TOWER!!!!!!!!!!" she grabbed my hand while she was speaking and with each word squeezed it tighter. I squeaked out "I am thankful for double-bladed swords!" and then nursed my pulped hand.

Sulpicia said, "I am thankful for Edward Cullen, because since he had an affair with a human, we got to leave the tower."

Aro glared at the non-existant cobwebs.

"Okay!!!" squealed Sulpicia "Now we all go in here!!!" and she herded us into a huge room with a huge thanksgiving dinner, turkey and everything. The very sight of it turned my stomach, and I could tell that Aro felt the same, but he is a very remarkable actor, because he sucked it up and acted all happy about it. He made us all sit down.

When we all had heaping plates of food and there was nothing else to do, we all jist sat there and looked at each other. Demitri picked up his fork and poked his turkey, saying, "uhhhhhhhhhhh……. Master Aro? Do you actually expect us to eat this?"

"Yes, I do. Why? Did you think this was some kind of joke?"

"Ehhhhhhhhh…………no?"

Aro glared at him as Sulpicia started bawling. "Did you really have to?" he asked tiredly. Demitri looked ashamed, and I shot him a 'just-don't-eat-it' look. But then sulpicia told us all to eat it in a 'if-you-mess-with-me-i-will-slap-you-across-the-international-date-line' voice, so we ate it. It was disgusting.

Then Aro said we should all be together, since thanksgiving was a time for family (I think he tried to mix Christmas and thanksgiving- good. Less holidays.)So he made us all go back to the throne room to "make conversation". Eventually, we all got so mad at each other that we all ended up screaming at each other and slapping and pinching and pinching and hair-pulling and anyone who said they were thankful for someone took it back. Yep, what a very Volturi thanksgiving.


	2. episode 2: Christmas

A Very Volturi………  Episode 2: Christmas

Jane POV

It's December 24th, Christmas eve. Tomorrow is Christmas day. I don't really care much about Christmas one way or the other, because my parents would only throw a party, or Alec and I would go to one, and they couldn't really do anything surrounded by all sorts of people, or not there at all, and never did anything wrong at them. I also don't object to being given free presents. Most of the time, the ones from the ancients, the girls and my brother are fairly nice.

We're all sitting in the gathering room, talking and laughing. For once, no one has been ripped to shreds, yelled at, shot, stabbed, run over, burned, broiled, slapped, punched, pinched or kicked. And another first, no one complained about wearing red, green or white, not even Caius. I'm wearing a very tight red turtleneck, white skinny jeans, and my emerald jewelry set, a birthday gift from Aro last year. Sulpicia, whom I really do view as my mother, and I spent about five hours deciding which outfit to wear. All the jewelry and accessories and things she has amassed from Aro almost need their own closet and are all so diverse he could wear something different every day for the next millennia and have a whole entire jewelry set to match each outfit.

I'm sitting on the couch with Aro, Sulpicia, my brother, and his wife, Sarah by the fire. Caius and Athenodora are sitting on the hearth, with Caius' wolf curled around their feet. Felix and Heidi are sort of eating each others' faces under the mistletoe, and everyone else are all sprawled around us on the floor. I notice Corin is relatively near me, and I wonder if perhaps he wants me to kiss him. After all, I know he's into me, but I'm not sure if I can handle a boy in my life right now. Our recent brush with my former fiancé, Pierre De Chagney has solidified my memories of the worst era of my life: my human days, and helped me remember exactly what faithless creatures boy are.

My sister-in-law reaches over and squeezes my hand. I hadn't thought I would, but I really, truly do like her. We're so alike. In our first lives, we were pretty, but nothing like Heidi, who's so drop-dead gorgeous she could (probably) melt your teeth just by smiling, or something quite obviously special, like Little Miss Internationally Ranked Gymnast, Renata. We both love Alec, but in very different ways. We also have the same style- nothing to flashy, but still well put together and right on the edge of whatever the current trend is. Our outfits even sort of match. She's wearing a soft white turtleneck long-sleeved minidress, red tights and green accents, which I assume are a gift from Alec.

Eventually, at ten o'clock, Aro tells us we all need to go to sleep. I hope he still doesn't think we still believe in that ridiculous myth Santa Claus. We rush off, calling our goodnights and merry Christmases and Feliz Navidads, mostly to mock the Spanish-speakers among us.

I just sit in my room, picking out my outfit for tomorrow, reading and surfing the 'net. Eventually, the entire guard got on their emails, and since we all have IM capabilities on our computers, we just chatted the night away. At about seven (AM, of course) we all got off and went back down to the gathering room.

The ancients had done an amazing job of changing the room into a scene from a Lifetime original movie: Bessies' Christmas list or whatever. We all had our stockings (Sulpicia hand-knits them) in the colors of our converse hanging above a roaring fire. Underneath them were five presents each, one from each ancient. I figured they'd be the same things as ever- some shiny expensive bauble from Aro, something lovely and homemade from Sulpicia, some crazy thing like a flamethrowing ipod from Caius, something funky like tye-dyed hand-embroidered bed sheets from Athenodora (sometimes I think she doesn't realize its not the seventies anymore) and something old fashioned, like a princess telephone from Marcus. This Christmas was no exception.

I also have expectations from all the other guard members. Something absolutely moronic like a case of snickers bars or the Three Stooges (characters coincidentally based on Aro, Caius and Marcus, so certain vamps, who shall remain nameless, Stefan and Vladimir, cough, cough, get a terrific yuk out of sending us anonymous Stooges memorabilia) boxed set from Demitri, Felix, Corin and Santiago. Though thus year I think I will be getting something a bit nicer from Corin. Afton usually gives us blown glass. He's very skilled at that. Heidi, something sparkly and glitzy. Renata, something brightly colored and strange. Chelsea, something flamboyant and weird. I don't know what to expect from Sarah, but Alec gives me the most amazing things, only they are all very varied, so I can never guess what they will be.

At about 10, I took all my gifts upstairs to my room, and then went back downstairs to socialize. We talked and laughed until the dusk fell. Most surprisingly, we had a repeat of last night, and though we all sort of yelled at each other/ got yelled at, no one got offended and we just sat there and enjoyed each others presences. Then, I went into the kitchen.

See, most vampires realize this, but second highest on the drink list besides human blood is alcohol. Especially strong alcohol. I picked up a tray of the champagne flutes. From what I could tell by scent and sight alone, it was a mix of champagne, vodka, tequila, gin, brandy, and a shot of blood. I set them out on a table where all the others were, picked one up, and went to stand in a corner to admire the picture.

And what a lovely picture it was. My five parents, my faultless, flawless heroes who dote upon me and adore me. My siblings, loving and eccentric and always there to catch me when I fall. I am strong and talented and respected by all. And Alec was happy with his wife. This was truly one of those glowing moments that I would hide I my heart and take out to brighten the darkness that seems to constantly follow a Volturi guard.

Since that was such a strong mixture of alcohol (enough to permanently damage a human) and we all had more than one glass, we all got drunk and shouted at each other and come the next morning we would all wish we had just stuck with Christmas presents. This has been a truly Volturi Christmas.


	3. episode 3: New Years

A Very Volturi………..Episode 3: New Years'

Aro POV

Winter is always one of my favorite seasons. It's an excuse to give lots of people presents. And just a few days after Christmas is New Years, and a whole new gift-giving opportunity arises. At Christmas I normally give homier things, but at New Years, I tend to prefer to give the more elegant.

I've already got all the guards presents, but it's my immediate family that I must worry about. I can't give Caius anything that could be potentially dangerous, because that would be like giving a hyper two-year-old sugar, arming them with scissors and unleashing them on the neighborhood. But that's the only stuff he likes. Athenodora won't tell you what she wants, so you have to guess. As long as it's something strange, like a hand-painted snake (after finding it curled up in my desk drawer, I vowed never to give neither her or Caius anything living or anything that contains poison ever again) she'll be okay. And I never know what will set Marcus off and send him spiraling into an even deeper pit of depression, so for him I usually stick with boring, bland stuff. Sulpicia is hard simply because I have already given her gifts of every variety. Normally, it's just some pretty, bejeweled object, but I want to get her something nicer, more personal this year. The problem is, I don't know what.

I tried asking Caius and Athenodora, but they laughed at me for not knowing what to get my own wife, but eventually I got the suggestions as follows: An aquarium, an ocean, a hamster farm, an ant farm, a hat from Claires', a hat from Romania, a trip to Russia, a waterfall, a hairdresser set, a Barbie cash register, a marching band, a flatscreen TV and a laptop.

But then a brilliant idea popped into my head. I took a leaf out of Carlisle Cullens' book and purchased an island for her. I'd let her name it. And while I was already on my roll, I wrote down to purchase a star for her and get he a nice haircomb to match for Valentines Day.

It is New Years Eve Day, and I spent a good chunk of the morning ordering things to go in her island with a big smile on my face. Nothing makes me happier than giving nice presents to people, especially if I know they will love the present, as Sulpicia undoubtedly will. Yes, I understand that gift giving is not mandatory on New Years, but if I had it my way, every day would be some kind of special celebration that required you to give gifts to everyone you knew. That would be such fun.

After picking all the things I thought she'd really love and having them shipped over there, I went to the gathering room. I don't like being alone (unless I am secretly ordering things to go in peoples Christmas present islands-heehee!!) and someone is most usually hanging around there. They were there indeed, all eleven members, and my brothers. Since New Years has no specific color scheme, the gathering room looked as it always does, and everyone was wearing an assortment of colors doing an assortment of things.

Felix and Heidi were kissing each other in a way that was more than slightly awkward, and I considered breaking them up before Heidi got violated, but no one else seemed to have any complaints, and I figured that if she didn't like some of the more than slightly nauseating things he was doing, she'd say something. Demitri and Santiago were playing some violent video game, and Renata was cheering Demitri on. Awwww, how sweet!! Afton and Chelsea were listening to an ipod. Alec and Sarah were just holding hands and looking into each others' eyes, and Jane was reading a book, oblivious to the fact that Corin was watching her with freakish intensity. I felt a burst of pride as I looked at

my family, my children, all assembled. The talent was almost a tasteable, touchable component in the atmosphere. They all turned to smile at me, or to call a greeting. All except Felix and Heidi, but that was quite okay. My loving, wonderful family.

Caius and his wolf/pet/familiar/monster/brute/animal/thing Carina and his wife were both there and acknowledged my presence with a nod. Marcus was lurking on the edge, looking at us with envy and sadness and pain in his eyes. I felt so bad for him. He will never let himself feel anything other than his sorrow ever again. And so for that, I mourn. It's like having lost two older siblings instead of just one.

In that instant, I felt a little part of my conciousness shoot down my right arm into my hand, where I felt a slight, cool pressure. "Aro, my love. I've missed you." I chuckled, responding with, "Sapphire, I've only been a few hours, if that. I didn't even leave the city."

"Even so, I missed you. I seem to do that more and more often these days……. Knowing where you are, knowing you are in the city has done little to ease it recently. " I turned my head to look down at my wife, Sulpicia. Still holding her hand in my right, I put my left on her neck, whispering, "You know why I can't let you leave the tower, Sapphire. What would I do without you?" Just the mere thought of a world without my precious Sapphire made me shudder. She pouted, thinking, "Well, what will I do without you, when you get yourself killed on one of your fool expeditions to the far reaches of the earth? Sometimes I feel as if you like to get away from me." I sighed, feeling her hurt reverberate in her mind. "Sapphire, we've had this argument a million time before. When I leave Volterra, I am perfectly safe. Do you think Jane and Renata ever leave my side?" she asked, "And why wouldn't they be able to protect me too?" I said, "Because it is my job, to go out into the world and try to make it a better, safer place. Maybe one day, when there is no danger anymore, you can come with me, and it will be like the old days. But until then, you will stay in the city. "

"That's not answering my question," she sighed exasperatedly

"Yes it did too."

"But-" I put one finger over her perfect round mouth, whispering, "It's almost a new year, a new decade, a new start. Lets' not argue."

"You're right, of course, Aro. As you always are. " She nuzzled her head against my arm and sighed, but this time it was a sigh of contentment.

We sat and laughed and talked. At eleven, Sulpicia told everyone she made drinks, and, given what happened at Christmas, I hoped they weren't alcoholic. We turned on a TV and watched the ball drop. We toasted each other and the new year, 2010. And what a year it would be. But then Caius stood up and announced he had a huge surprise for all of us. I cringed and instantly regretted not wearing my asbestos suit. I knew it was asking too much for two holidays to pass without Caius blowing up something. He threw the weapon he keeps in his shoe (It changes from day to day) at me, but I ducked and it whooshed harmlessly over my head. Still scowling, he surprised us all and grabbed the tv remote, switching to a channel I didn't think we got.


	4. Chapter 3 continued

Chpt. 3 continued………….

"It's called VampireTV" he said in a hushed tone. "Only vampires can get it. " "Well, hence the name" said Jane. "Hush it, you little wisea-" threatened Caius "Now, now" Athenodora interrupted.

Since I was pretty much the only one listening, I heard a voice that

sounded suspiciously like what's-his-name Cullen. There are too many of them-I can't keep track anymore. The voice announced, "And now, we have two very special guest speakers. Lets' give it up for the last two members of the Romanian Coven, Stefan and Vladimir!!" It sounded like two people were clapping in the background

There was a wet popping noise of sixteen jaws dropping in perfect unison. Stefan and Vladimir, looking as puffed up and self- satisfied and smug and cruel as ever strode onto the screen. "Hello, vampirekind." started Vladimir. "W have agreed to come on live television to address you about the new year, 2010." Continued Stefan. My eye twitched. "As you know, 2010 symbolizes very many of vampire- human cooperation" "This new year is going to be the best ever" "We all sincerely hope you don't do anything stupid so you can survive and see us next year." "Thank you, and goodnight"

The camera panned out, and it looked like it was being very amateurishly shot from a home video camera. Caius reached for his shoe- weapon, but seemingly remembered that he had thrown it at me. Marcus looked like he was about to spit. Then Athenodora broke the silence by saying, "What a load of bull crap!!!" Then the camera turned around and we were facing a mouth, up way too close. It said, "Please excuse the following technical difficulties" there were all sorts of crashes, bangs, a loud puff of some unknown substance, coughing, choking, shouts of "MY HAIR!!!!!!" and some tipsy laughter. Then there was static and a "Searching for signal……" bar

The program winked back into existence. Edward Cullen and his wife (Whom I still can't help but think of as Bella Swan) were sitting at a

kitchen table with a sign taped to the front that proclaimed "VampireTV" "Well, folks, " began Edward, smiling lopsidedly, but was cut off by his wife smacking his face and slurring, "Shuddup" they both took one look at each other and started laughing like lunatics. I think I can make the safe assumption of where that tipsy laughter was coming from. "Well, folks, that's, uhhhhh……………………. It for tonight? We hope you have a-" "SHUDDUP, EDDIE!!!!" his wife shouted and they both broke down laughing some more. "Why are they acting like that?" whispered a horrified Jane. "I think they had one drink too many." I whispered back. Caius' face was smiling in a very nasty way, and the guard was hysterical. But if they were hysterical now, it was nothing compared to what they were five minutes later.

Edward and Bella stopped laughing, looked at each other very seriously, and the next thing we knew, they were doing things that were

not at all appropriate for company while wearing very little clothing. "Oh, cut, cut!!!!!!!!" someone screamed, and the camera went dark. We rolled around laughing so hard we nearly lived. I couldn't breathe properly for hours afterwards. Admittedly, it was quite unfortunate for the Cullens, Bella and Edward especially, to have been humiliated as they were on live tv, with who knows how many people watching, but somehow, I couldn't bring myself to feel quite as sorry as I should for them. Yes, this epic start to the new year could have only happened one place outside the twilight zone: here, in Volterra. What a very Volturi New Years.

**Cullen lovers, please do not kill me, I had no choice. kindly no flames. **


	5. episode 4: Valentines' Day

A Very Volturi Episode 3: Valentines Day

Corin POV

I was nervous, jittery, pacing in my room. Today, February the 14th was the day that could make or break the rest of my eternity. I was wearing black skinny jeans, and a white t-shirt, a black suit jacket with a red tie and a black fedora. I had three gifts. One, a bouquet of deep red roses. Two, a box of blood mixed with liquid chocolate in one of those heart boxes. And three was a glittering diamond ring.

I felt the electricity that crackled thru my veins pulse violently, shooting adrenaline into every part of my body, and my breathing sped. I pinched the bridge of my nose, shut my eyes, and told myself to calm down. I told myself to recall the Corin that existed until last night, the serene Corin who was afraid of nothing and did what he set his mind to without delay. That Corin was terminated when I realized that the next day was Valentines' Day, and that I had to speak up or forever hold my peace.

If I proposed to Jane, I had a fifty/ fifty shot. On the one hand, she might be on the lookout for someone, now that Alec, her best friend and brother was also married. She might say yes, then we might kiss and have our happily ever after. On the other hand, she may be offended and sickened and mentally and then physically barbeque me. I smiled at myself in the mirror, brushing my blond hair back, trying to look as charming, yet as sincere and kind as I possibly could.

I know, when we went down to the U.S. south to get Sarah, Alecs' wife and my (with any luck) sister-in-law-to-be, that she kissed me. But that might have been a reaction to seeing her former fiancé Pierre De Chaney, who she had thought was dead for the last century, and the last time she had seen him was as he watched her and Alec burn at the stake as witches. He's the one that actually turned them in for "practicing witchcraft", but let's not get into that. She hasn't mentioned it at all, and we both have been acting like it never happened at all. So was it a fluke? Or did she really mean it? Now is one of those times when it would be so excellent to be a mind reader. I asked Chelsea what out bonds were, and she just smiled, infuriatingly, enigmatically saying only, "You'll see" what is it with girls? Do they enjoy our pain? Why would it have been so hard to tell me? And I wasn't about to ask Marcus, Aros' brother, because the main reason I haven't been asking around to see if anyone knew what her feelings were for me is because I don't want Aro getting word of it in case he disapproves. Because if he disapproves, because he thinks I'll be like Pierre and break her heart, he'll tell me not to, and I'm not about to disobey a direct order from Aro Volturi. But if Jane already said yes, then he will be happy because she'll be happy and not do anything.

So I get the roses and the blood-chocolate and go to knock on her door. She's not in, naturally. I poke around and see if anyone knows where she is. The most likely person is Alec, but he wasn't in his room and there were suspicious noises coming from Sarahs', so I decided to forgo them and ask Demitri. After wasting about fifty years trying to find him, he sent me on a wild goose chase with an extremely vague set of directions such as, "Turn right at the window with the cloud outside it that looks like a duck onto the hallway of blue vases. Turn right at the blue vase, go past the lint ball, down the stairs, up the staircase, past the lilies, left at the window, five paces over, go up, across, then right down the stairwell. " Which I'm sure made perfect sense to him and his tracker self, but was a piece of gibberish to me. I tried to follow his directions as best I could, but it got extraordinarily confusing.

So I decided to hack into Volterras' mainframe. I went to the nearest electrical outlet, tore off the cover and stuck my finger in the socket. I could see all of everything in Volterra at once, which was disorienting, so I quickly zeroed in on our area, the tower. If Jane was, say, in a room with the light on, I would be able to see her thru the light fixture, because the light was turned on. It only works with electronics, but the device must be plugged in to the mainframe, not like ipods. If she had the light off listening to her ipod, I was screwed. I rushed thru everything, seeing and hearing quite a few things I'm sure I was never intended to see or hear. Jane was nowhere to be seen, heard, or found.

The only problem with using the mainframe to find people is that it gives me a power surge. A really really big power surge, and I can only handle so much energy passing thru me at one time. My hair was standing on end, and I was fairly certain my eyes were rolling back into my skull when all went black. I came to a minute later, and Janes' sweet face was hovering anxiously over mine, close enough to kiss. My every sense shot into hyper-drive, but as soon as she saw my eyes were open, she moved back.

"Hey," I said, trying to sound handsome. "Hey yourself. What's the idea of sticking your finger in an electrical socket?" She demanded. I tried to look cool as I said airily, "oh, you know. The usual. Talent related stuff. Practice. Coz, y'know, ……….. y'never know, y'know?" I cringed from my lameness and her eyebrows crept higher up her forehead. The sun was at such a point that it streamed in thru the window, illuminating her in a golden spotlight. Her gorgeous light brown hair formed a halo around her perfect oval face, and her arms thru sparkling crystals. She was still kneeling close to me, and cocked her head, saying, "What are you staring at? Did I grow a third eye? It can see into your soul, you know!" she joked. I then realized that my mouth was hanging open like the utter fool I am. To think that I even thought I have a chance with such a sophisticated, fantastical creature.

The roses, the roses, where were the roses? I looked around frantically for them, eventually finding a bouquet of greenish stems, but with charcoal black, slightly smoking blossoms. "Ehhhhh…….." I said as I picked them up and offered them to her. "These are for you. And, uh, this is too, but I'm not sure how it will taste" I muttered, giving her the blood chocolate. "oh, wow!!" she exclaimed. "Thanks, Corin! Even though these lovely……………. Ah, roses, were they? Are well done, they'll look lovely next to my guillotine. And the chocolate…… will….. be……useful for………… something."

O. My. Gosh. She thought my presents were totally lame, and was trying to make me feel better. As I had gone to stick my finger in the socket, I put them down, but I still must have been conducting and they were fried or roasted or whatever. This was not how I wanted things to go, at all. This was seriously. Not. Cool. She smiled at me as she stood up and offered me her hand. I took it and sprang up, but sprang just a bit too much. I was too close to her, our faces an inch apart.

I kissed her, not caring that she or others would probably kill me later. But she seemed just as willing as I was. We kissed and kissed and kissed and it was the perfect Valentines Day. "well.." Jane started, but I cut her off. "not that this hasn't been, uh…….." she trailed off as I kissed her neck and collarbones "fun, I have to go. She hugged me, whispering into my shoulder, "I'm expected at the receiving room, but I'm free afterwards, if you want to meet somewhere………?" I nodded, and smiled. She kissed my mouth sweetly, and bolted.

I leaned against the wall, reeling internally, feeling very much like I just stuck my finger in a socket after drinking fifteen cups of quintuple espresso full caffeinated coffee, shot with about a pound of sugar and really high fructose chocolate syrup. I've done that before and was hyper for about three hours, but even that feeling couldn't compare with this one. But I came crashing down as I realized that, thanks to Demitris' crackpot directions, I had no clue where I was. I sniffed trying to follow Janes' trail, but I'm hardly a tracker.

Eventually, I made it back to parts of the tower that I recognized. I swang by my room, and picked up the silken black box containing the dazzling diamond ring. Looking in the mirror, I tamed my hair and tried to get a handle on the wild, crazy look in my eyes. I rushed to the receiving room, where Jane was sitting on the couch with Renata, laughing as they watched some episode of C. S. I.. All the others were sprawled around, and even the ancients were there. I took a deep gulp of air and skulked in. I got to the front of the room, where I cleared my throat. Everyone stopped what they were doing and looked at me. I steeled myself, and knelt in front of Jane.

"Jane." I began "ever since the day I was turned, I have looked up to you and loved you every night and day from afar. I don't want to do anything without you. I want to be with you forever and can only hope you feel the same way. So…… will you marry me?" I pulled the ring out and showed it to her.

Her mouth feel open in this little surprised O. Her eyes were huge, like a little weak helpless innocent fawn looking into the headlights. But then her mouth formed a wry smile. 'here it comes' I thought, bracing myself. the soft let-down. 'Corin, I'm not looking for someone like that, so can we still be friends?' Translation- no way, loser. But then she said, "Yes, of course. Durr, Corin. I thought you'd never ask."

I stood up, feeling so powerful, so wonderful and amazing that in that moment I could have taken on the entire world and won. She loved me!!!!!!!!!! Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, YES!!!!!!!!! I fitted the ring on her finger, and it was perfect, like it had been made expressly for her. She looked at it, and there was no trace of bitterness or sorrow in her eyes. She smiled at me, and we kissed again, right there in front of everybody. I wanted to tell everyone and everything that jane said she would marry me. I felt like I could have powered my own space probe, flown to the moon, and write on the American flag that jane loved me. When we were done, everyone stood up to applaud. I hadn't realized that we were worth a standing ovation. I got a thrill saying the word we when it was used to mean Jane and I. As it would conceivably for the rest of eternity


End file.
